By Jarret Liotta

WESTPORT — So many issues, so little time …

Setting out to type my column this week I found there was so much going on — so many needling items demanding debate & opinion — I was somewhat stymied as to where to begin …

Masks

It’s a month or so later and, despite our municipal mandate, many people aren’t wearing masks at all in stores, supermarkets, restaurants, etc. — not even some of the people working there, like over at my stupid favorite pizzeria.

It’s ironic that this bothers me, as for many months last year I seemed to always be the only one outdoors on Main Street and around town who didn’t wear one. (Yes, that was me, but I reasoned we were outdoors, so I didn’t see the issue, especially since people tend to avoid me like the plague anyway.)

But now this new generation of copycat non-maskers seem to defy the custom with a palpable degree of contempt — especially in relation to those people working indoors who have to wear them, as well as the customers (neighbors) who carry their own concerns & fears.

As I wrote before, for all of Westport’s overtures about being a community, it’s mystifying why people can’t swallow their pride & holster their contemptuous bravado for the 10 minutes they’re in a stupid store. (Of course we have to excuse the sociopaths, because — well, they just don’t know any better — but I’m talking about the rest of us.)

But if this is about political protest — which is the only other reason I can imagine — why not go after something bigger & more important, like not wearing pants?

How many of us feel put off and constricted by this fascistic edict that we’re supposed to wear pants when we’re in public? I mean, what the hell?! Are we just gonna stand there and let The Man suppress the freedom of our private parts by requiring us to wear pants on Main Street and in stores?! Why should my parts have to be private anyway when I’m obviously out in public?!

Come on, Who’s with me on this?!! :-O

Fences

They say good fences make good neighbors, as the Planning & Zoning Commission strives to debate this month, following concerns about how neighbors put up their fences … But I’m stalled on what constitutes a good fence.

In particular, I sincerely don’t see what’s wrong with the so-called ugly side of a stockade fence. In fact, it seems to exude more character and rustic charm with it’s horizontal cross beams and Cubism pattern, versus the monotonous uniform vertical slats of the so-called good side of a fence.

Either way, it blows my little rodent mind that this is even being debated and — pending the full commission’s likely vote — could end up with a little town law requiring homeowners to place their fences a certain way so they don’t harm their neighbors’ sensibilities, sensitivities, property values, etc. (You name it.)

Here, perhaps, is another opportunity for the freedom minded to demonstrate their disdain and opposition by perhaps erecting a wall or a barricade instead of a “fence” … or maybe this is a chance to give your neighbor the benefit of the slat.

Blowers

Speaking of disdain, there are few things I hate more than the sound of grass mowers and leaf blowers.

On Tuesday several RTM subcommittees will discuss proposed restrictions to the latter, with the noise — and pollution, in the case of the gas-powered variety — central to the discussion.

I’ll never understand the culture of needing to have your lawn manicured to such an extent that you overpay someone to come out every five days to cut it and then blow it off too.

In this time of ever-growing environmental concerns, it’s mystifying — as so many things clearly are — how a homeowner can utilize polluting machines, chemical pesticides, and grotesque amounts of wasted water just so they can make their stupid lawn look like some synthetic ideal of suburban living.

Beyond that, as someone who generally sleeps until two o’clock in the afternoon, I just wish they’d shut the hell up, so I’m all for encouraging electric machines or just letting the stupid leaves lie where they fall.

Of course, maybe this is about the neighbors too — not wanting them to suffer the unsightly visage of those horrendous grass cuttings infecting their sightline.

Anti-Semitism

Finally, I’d be remiss if I didn’t touch on the anti-Semitism-related scare experienced by our Staples High School cheerleading squad, et. al.

It’s a scary subject and often steeped in precarious perceptions.

That’s why, like with masks, I see no reason not to tread a little extra softly and err on the side of careful comforting and tolerance for people’s fears — nay, terrors — even if I think they’re overreacting.

Isn’t that what being a good neighbor is all about?