Editor’s note: The following opinion column was submitted for publication by Westport resident Emily Liebert.
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By way of introduction, I’m Emily Liebert — a Westport resident, a Staples High School mom and a writer by profession.
While I do not have children on the Staples soccer team, I did sit in attendance at the Board of Education hearing on May12 for seven of the 14 hours. I’ve also been following this story since the beginning, as I know the family at the center of it quite well. They are upstanding members of this town, which everyone affectionately refers to as a community. They have strong moral compasses and unwavering values. They are human beings with beating hearts like the rest of us.
I can’t tell you how many times I’ve asked myself how I’d feel if this were one of my sons enduring systematic bullying from his peers and from adults in our beloved “community.”
To be clear, I’m not writing this piece to debate the particulars of what happened. I’m not taking a side against the soccer coaches or for the student and his family. What I am here to say is that, the residents of this town — soccer parents or not — can do better. Lynch mobs are inexcusable, especially when those in the audience at Town Hall on May 12 were not privy to the myriad details of what transpired at the retreat or in its aftermath.
It is possible to support the coaches or the school without demonizing a child. People can question or be disappointed in the process, but that doesn’t give them license to defame and disparage a student in our school system.
I’m the first one to include myself in this statement, which is precisely why I refuse to present my own views as facts.
Here is what I do believe:
1. The public has been too willing to draw conclusions and form opinions that are based on assumption or hearsay and not evidence.
2. The members of the BOE are public servants who sat through 14 hours of testimony and argument. By all appearances, they take their jobs seriously and made fully informed decisions. Further, they stood behind a verdict that they knew would be unpopular with those in attendance. It’s imperative that we respect their decision and their commitment to our town.
3. There is a way to have impassioned discussions on topics of public interest that do not devolve into scapegoating and assigning corrupt motives without evidence. That behavior is unacceptable and we need to set a better example for our children.
4. We should all be able to trust that our children feel safe among their peers at school, and something is wrong when we can’t.
5. It is hypocritical to assume that the people we agree with are truth tellers, yet insist that the people we disagree with are liars.
6. It is possible to support the coaches or the school without demonizing a child. People can question or be disappointed in the process, but that doesn’t give them license to defame and disparage a student in our school system.
The conspiracy theories, the online bullying, the baseless discourse, and the brazenness of people who are playing detective, drawing erroneous conclusions, and then presenting them as truth must stop.
There’s a student at the heart of this whose life in Westport has been ruined.
I am here to say is that, the residents of this town — soccer parents or not — can do better. Lynch mobs are inexcusable, especially when those in the audience at Town Hall on May 12 were not privy to the myriad details of what transpired at the retreat or in its aftermath.
No matter what you believe — whether the coaches are right or wrong, whether the school is right or wrong — it’s pretty clear, at this point, that this student and his family are suffering. They have become targets of this town’s vitriol, despite the fact that the parents have never spoken out on this matter. I’ve heard endless gossip about them and their motivations, which says more about the speculators than it does about the parents, who have kept quiet in the hopes of sparing both of their children from the ongoing pain they’re withstanding.
Again, I don’t know the full story. No one does.
And, again, I’m not taking sides when it comes to the particulars surrounding this egregious situation. I’m just asking, imploring, everyone to lessen the tone and lower the temperature.
Having sat through much of the hearing, and been witness to the reverberation via blog posts and social media, it is clear to me that the adults in the audience were the ones who had their minds made up from the start, not the decision-makers on the stage.
Regardless of what side you’re on or what opinions you’ve formed of the coaches, the school, or the family, most likely through hearsay, I will leave you with the same question I’ve asked myself: “How would you feel if this were your child?”
Emily, thank you for your opinion piece. I hope people read it and take it to heart. You remind us to consider those who are silent and whether “taking sides” without having all the information is prudent, but also are asking us about what community means. In Westport and elsewhere, there are so many issues which are reduced to an “us against them” approach. This belligerency distracts us from working on how to fix whatever is at issue together. I hope we all can do better.
I applaud Ms. Liebert for her common sense and empathy. I echo Trammi’s comment by opining that if we really do believe what Ms. Liebert writes (which I do, viscerally), then the best thing we can all do is to SPEAK UP and INSIST that those involved proceed with its resolution outside of the sphere of social media, blogs, radio / online media, etc. This is imperative for any of us who want to live in a community where we treat each other with dignity and decency. In short, none of us would want to go through what this family has gone through. If you don’t want to do it for the family and the student, at least do it for yourself. Stop the noise.