By Gretchen Webster

WESTPORT — Taking care of an aging, ill or disabled loved one can be among the hardest jobs a person can have. And as the spouse, parent, sibling or child declines, the caregiving role, already draining, exhausting and emotional, becomes even more difficult.

More and more people will become caregivers in the next 10 years as the population of those over 65 years old increases. By 2030, 73 million — or one in five — people in the United States will be 65 or older, and between 2020 and 2030 the number of people 85 and older is projected to rise by 35 percent, according to the “Overview of the Older Americans Act” 2020 summary.

The Westport Caregiver Support Group offers the company of others facing the same difficult and often frustrating situations. In the group, which meets twice monthly at the Westport Center for Senior Activities, 21 Imperial Ave., a caregiver can meet those in the same circumstance who understand how hard a job they have and are able to offer support and advice.

Caregivers gather to discuss issues and responsibilities they face. These shared issues can include: Does my loved one require services at a residential facility, and if so, which one and how do I pay for it? Or, how can I handle my spouse’s dementia and all that it involves? And, where can I find respite from the stress and demands of caregiving?

“One of the biggest things that is helpful is that I have met people who I am very close to now who understand what I’m going through,” said Marty Ann Kerner, of Westport, a member of the support group, and the caregiver for her husband who suffers from dementia and other health issues. “It’s a different language with people who understand. There I have people I can completely relate to.”

“It’s about shared knowledge … shared experiences,” said Holly Betts, assistant director of the senior center. “It’s about making connections with somebody who has been where you are.”

The group is coordinated by Terry Giegengack, the former assistant director of the town’s Department of Human Services. There are about 20 members in the group, she said, with a mix of about 10 to 15 men and women attending each session.

She starts the meeting with a presentation on a specific topic, which can range from addressing the difficulties of daily living to finances and then opens discussion by the group. “Once they start talking, they don’t stop,” she said of group members sharing experiences with each other. 

“Caregivers are trying to manage another person and their needs. Their own needs get put on the back burner,” she said.

There also are occasional guest speakers, such as an elder law attorney, and the topics introduced are always well researched, Giegengack said. There are also two social events held each year for the group, usually luncheons.

And although the purpose of the program is primarily to provide support rather than referrals, members can help each other make connections with services in town and around the area, according to Giegengack. 

“Often people come under duress — I can recognize and refer them to other services,” she said.

Kerner said she gains information not just from the helpful staff at the senior center, but also from fellow group members about important issues they all face in their caregiving roles.

“Being in the group helped me make decisions,” she said, one of them deciding that her husband would be happier in a health-care center than at home with a caregiver. With information gathered from other members of the support group as well as the senior center staff and her family, the decision was made for him to live in a senior living center in Westport. There, he has more opportunities for activities he can attend, such as lectures and concerts, she said, as well as staff who understand the care he needs. And she can visit him frequently.

“Having him home with a caregiver was restrictive for me and totally boring for him,” she said.

The program is funded by a $2,782 federal grant through the Connecticut State Agency on Aging and administered by the Southwestern Connecticut Agency on Aging. The grant, which is renewed each year, was accepted by the Board of Selectwomen on Sept. 25.

Participation in the caregivers group is free and members do not have to be from Westport.

For more information or to register for the group, visit the town website or call the senior center at 203-341-5099.

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Freelance writer Gretchen Webster, a Fairfield County journalist for many years, was editor of the Fairfield Minuteman and has taught journalism at New York and Southern Connecticut State universities.