By Jarret Liotta

WESTPORT — There’s no clear consensus on how Westport should spend an unexpected (and unwarranted) $8.4-million federal windfall, so I’d like to seriously suggest the town give me $5 million for my next film.

I’m not joking.

“Small Town Movie” — A Shovel-Ready Gem

I have a shovel-ready dark comedy feature project about racism & gun violence called Small Town Movie, which I want to shoot entirely in Westport.

This film would not only bring Westport a wealth of positive attention — and help reinvigorate its legend & reputation as a cutting-edge creative community — I absolutely guarantee it will turn a significant profit that we could then reinvest in the community, with substantial funds leftover to donate to other charitable endeavors throughout the region.

Along with having a truly stellar story — a Robert Altman-esque satire about an affluent community’s struggles with racism and gun-control issues — I have an extremely unique marketing idea that draws on the participation of the entire community in bringing the project to fruition.

My plan benefits everyone — realtors, local merchants, investors, civic groups, schools, etc. — providing myriad opportunities for involvement and a kind of communal ownership that will augment how the film is ultimately marketed.

Rally ‘Round The Tent Pole, Boys & Girls

Nothing like this has ever been done before and I can promise you that if our town were to rally ‘round this tent-pole project, we’d not only be rightly hailed as the coolest hamlet in the entire country, we’d cement a well-deserved reputation as a righteous, sophisticated and creative center of the civilized world.

Dreams of making Westport a bona-fide destination — worthy of way-finding software and website referrals — would be remarkably enhanced.

I envision a precious influx of visiting film fans flocking here to see the shooting locations, posing for pictures, patronizing the many businesses featured in the movie, and basking in the artistic heritage of our little town.

(BTW, has anyone ever thought of having guided tours, centered on the theatrical, literary, musical or visual art history of Westport?)

Wanted: Extraordinary Dreamers!

I’m sure this all sounds far-fetched to the average reader … but for the extraordinary dreamer I’m hoping this outside-the-box idea may birth inspiration … This CAN be done & it would be a phenomenal — and extremely fun — enterprise for the town and participants!

And it’s a daring cool ARPA investment that would actually see a return!

With more than $1.5 million of the ARPA funds already allocated — $1.3 million is going to fund a wooden groin, as you know — we’re running out of time with regard to its spending.

Some people argue that more money should go toward addressing affordable-housing. But the first selectwoman said the money is, in essence, going to a veritable slush fund for whatever the next large expenditures are in the five-year plan.

Exactly how all this was decided is one of the many minor governmental mysteries we’ll probably never get an answer to, but soon the money will be swallowed up in the endless — and likewise sometimes mysterious — cycle of municipal costs.

The Elephant in the Room

And as elected officials continue to argue over the best and most proper use of this American Rescue Plan Act money, for me the elephant in the living room remains the fact that we shouldn’t have gotten it to begin with.

With all the legitimate need facing people in other communities, where resources are scant or corrupted, it’s embarrassing that Westport — one of the wealthiest towns in the universe — received more than $8 million to relieve its alleged pandemic suffering.

And now that money is simply being used to feed the monkey.

(Was anyone else impressed when CVS Health actually returned $43 million it got in COVID relief money because the company said it was doing well and simply didn’t need it?!)

Don’t get me wrong, I love the amenities, safety and veritable luxury of Westport living. Further, I think our people deserve to be happy and fulfilled here — at least I do!

A Holistic Eight-Mile-High View

But because we’re an intelligent, forward-thinking community — at least I keep telling myself we are — we should take a holistic view of this money and see what really makes the most sense in the long run.

That’s why investing in my plan would be the most intelligent, forward-thinking and all-around fun thing for us to do, if only because I know we’re going to double the money!

Come on, Westport! It’s time to put our chips down & spin the wheel … If it hits we’ll be the talk of every burg from Augusta to Chula Vista!

Get in touch, Fellow Dreamers … I’m all too easy to find …

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