by Jarret Liotta

WESTPORT — “You’re a vegan?”

“No, vegetarian. I eat cheese.”

“So you eat fish too?”

“No.”

“You don’t eat fish? What about chicken?”

“No, I’m a vegetarian.”

For five years now I’ve lived this dialogue in paraphrased forms. Looking back, I’m not sure why I ever bring it up, but when food discussions present themselves, it’s often a logical — and sometimes necessary — plug-in.

Beyond this, people often ask me why I’m a vegetarian, and I have numerous reasons, which I’ll loosely share in order of personal importance. I know you didn’t ask, but if you’re thinking about having me over for lunch or dinner, and are planning to serve barbecue, I just want to be upfront & save us the discussion.

A View To A Kill

The main reason is kind of hokey — I just really like animals (except certain insects … and those little dogs that yap all the time … and those cats with the flat faces that always look so annoyed …) I can’t say I’ve interacted with that many cows, but cows seem rather pleasant and innocent. At the very least, I don’t feel good about having one killed so I can eat it. The same with pigs, lambs, deer, and even fish … Chickens make me a little nervous, to be honest — those sturdy snarling Elvis-sneer beaks and their beady little button eyes — but likewise it just seems wrong to want to see them — any animal, really — killed so I can satisfy what ultimately is a base craving for salt and fat. (More on that momentarily.)

Aiding & Abetting

Closely behind this assumptive dominion over other living creatures for my satisfactions, there’s way too much mistreatment in the process of raising animals to slaughter. There are more — (and it is a hysterical choice of words) — “humane” practices when it comes to livestock, but they are the exception and, really, none of it is that enlightened if we’re being perfectly honest with ourselves (which I know we hate to be). Frankly, I still can’t get my mind around people who hunt, whether they eat their kill or not. I think it’s barbaric and really just kind of pathological — especially in an age of video games, where you can hunt without harming anybody … It’s sort of grotesque, really … and sort of moronic … and sadly unenlightened … and just sort of creepy too!

Health, Wellness …

I’ve come to understand that, from an environmental standpoint, produce farming results in a much smaller footprint than raising meats. So it’s obviously environmentally sounder and better for the planet to be vegetarian. That’s a great reason. (There are plenty of thing I don’t do to help the environment, so here’s one simple opportunity that works with my lifestyle.)

… And A Prettier Planet

Likewise, there are a range of personal health benefits to being vegetarian, though I don’t look too closely at these. Having been raised to believe weird myths about excessive protein needs and food pyramids (and Christopher Columbus, among others things), I’ve comfortably come to find I can go with my gut (if you’ll forgive the pun) and meet nutrition needs through all the non-meat world has to offer. (Mind you, owing to an adoration of sweets, pasta and long periods on the couch, I’ve drifted toward a fatter way of being, but that’s an issue for another column.)

A Tingling Groin vs. Heebie-Jeebies

Another reason I no longer dine on deceased animal parts is that, on past occasions, I’ve really found it somewhat disgusting. For instance, while the first orgiastic bites of a rare filet mignon can be groin-tinglingly magnificent — and believe me, I do get it! — as you tackle your hunger and begin to look closer at what it is you’re actually eating, you start to see way too much in the way of anatomical workings. Likewise, small shrimps or certain seafoods remind me too powerfully of certain bugs, while some of the black veins and creepy cartilage found in a chicken or fish can prompt an unpleasant episode of heebie-jeebies.

When the pandemic unfolded and supplies grew scarce, I was thrilled to find that my vegetarian choices were not as threatened. Also, when I visit any restaurant, invariably the veg or tofu option is always the cheaper, as are meatless entrees … So what am I losing in return?

In The End, What’s The Diff?!

Again, I completely understand the tantalizing draw of many meat dishes — favorites including great burgers, oily fish-n-chips, and all things bacon-related. But I’ve found that the cravings only come when I’m extremely hungry, then quickly abate after consuming some quantity of comparable fat-heavy, salt-focused food. (And 24 hours later, you can hardly tell the difference!)

So, day by day, meal by meal, I make a conscious choice to be a vegetarian. Call it one form of volunteer service that I engage in — perhaps making the world a little better for all creatures … Plus, one day at a time, I’ll never have to work with raw chicken again! :-/

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