By Gretchen Webster
WESTPORT — It’s not unusual for women to share their concerns, questions or challenges about child rearing with other mothers.
But for men, it’s different. They don’t share and they don’t ask for help, according to Westporter David Smith, author of the “Dad’s Survival Guide” blog. “In the workplace, you would never ask for help … never admit you are failing,” he said. “We want to appear to be great dads. It’s a struggle.”
The father of four aims to change the insecurity many men feel about child rearing. The 88 weekly blogs he has posted so far deal with various issues that fathers face. Among them are social media and kids, navigating marital relationships and financial pressures.
He welcomes comments and questions from the nearly 400 people who follow the blog, and hopes eventually to expand the blog community with in-person gatherings.
Many women also read the blog, he said, “and a lot of moms who wish their husbands would read it.”
Smith’s wife, Jeannie Smith, was a member of the Board of Education for nine years, stepping down after the November election. She runs a women’s study group.
Blog launched in pandemic as fathers faced greater challenges
Smith started the “Dad’s Survival Guide” in March 2020 at the very beginning of the COVID-19 pandemic, when the world shut down and parents had to stay at home with their children. “The pandemic was just the impetus to start to get involved in this. The challenges that dads face existed before … When COVID hit, it’s been even tougher,” he said.
In this region, jobs are particularly high pressure and demanding, and the work commute can be difficult and long, Smith observed. “It’s hard to get home and participate in kids’ lives,” he said. “There’s very little space in dads’ lives” to address child-rearing issues.
Smith has been a leadership coach for seven years, and his company Fuel for Leaders has clients around the world. He worked previously in private equity and startup businesses in Manhattan. He has also led a Bible study group for men for several years, and the Dad’s blog became an extension of his leadership role in other areas.
But the blog is not about him, Smith is quick to say. It’s about connecting fathers “and to encourage the great work we’re doing as dads.”
Tackling tough topics for men
John Goldman of Westport, the father of 10 children, got to know Smith through their sons when Smith coached the youths in football. He looks forward to reading the blog each week. “I love it … I think he does an outstanding job touching on topics that are challenging to touch on. He writes it from the perspective of a dad and a parent.”
Another Westport father, Jim Daniels, said he first worked with Smith in a professional capacity and found him to be “exceptional in helping people find their best selves.” That ability comes through in the Dad’s blog, Daniels said. “The blog became really important for a lot of men. His following has ballooned.”
A forum that men often lack
Smith first started thinking about connecting men and fathers after the suicide of a father in town, which really had an impact on him and others, he said. He held a few barbecues to gather local men who were affected by the death so they could talk to one another. Sharing and talking became important to the men.
Too often, men end up with substance-abuse problems or with other serious issues when they face overwhelming difficulties with their children, at work or with their finances, he said. “That’s always been my issue. There’s no safe forum to talk among dads.”
Smith has arranged three or four “Dad barbecues,” with a speaker, he added, and he sees the blog as a stepping stone to more in-person meetings eventually. He also will continue to post weekly blogs about various topics affecting fathers.
“He has a real heart for the men of Westport … in the sense of being all they can be,” said Daniels, the father of two Staples High School grads.
“We need people like Dave Smith to guide as back to some sense of normalcy in our world today,” Goldman agreed.
For Smith, the blog is all about taking positive steps toward the future. “It’s designed to be uplifting and encouraging,” Smith said. “The goal of the blog was always to give us some hope.”
Have been really enjoying this blog. Thankful for Dave Smith as he regularly provides these timely insights.
I look forward to reading the Dad’s survival guide each week. Dave’s take on life is insightful. If you want to not only survive but thrive as a dad I would sign up to receive his emails.
Great article I follow Dave’s blog dad survival guide I find it very insightful as a father and a grandfather of seven grandchildren he is not only insightful for what he writes but he is also a leader and a doer Keep up the good work Dave
This is an excellent article.
As a long-time member of Dave’s Bible Study group, I’ve seen in an up-close and personal way how his passion for seeing Dads succeed in both their vocational and parental lives also comes through in his blog. It’s definitely true that, as fathers, we live in a way that is oftentimes disconnected from other men, other than in the most superficial ways (“How are you doing?” ” Oh, I’m fine! Yeah, just fine”). While we definitely find fulfillment with our families, and with our jobs – if we’re lucky – we do it in relative isolation. There are certainly few opportunities to have heart-to-hearts with other fathers in most public settings, as well.
Because of this, resources like Dave’s Dad’s Survival Guide are invaluable. In a place like Fairfield County, where we are constantly judging our ‘insides’ by other people’s ‘outsides’, as it were, the opportunity to see how another dad approaches fatherhood helps to break that destructive thinking, and get to a place of honesty and openness, and eventually growth.
May we see more blogs and insights like Dave’s start, and grow.
Great article I follow Dave’s blog and find it very insightful I am a father of two children and seven grandchildren it is great to know that Dave is not just a leader but he is a doer from your article
In our popular discourse, fathers and fatherhood are sometimes given shorter shrift than they deserve. Dave’s weekly notes, which I’ve had the fortune of reading regularly over the past several months, are something of an antidote to this — not in the sense of de-emphasizing other members of the family (quite the opposite in fact), but rather in honoring the best of what dads are meant to be: true servant-leaders. Even amid its brightest moments, fatherhood isn’t easy; Dave’s posts are a welcome dose of encouragement for all of us who may feel that way sometimes. Go thou and read likewise, and know that thou are not alone.
Dave consistently offers unique perspectives on issues Dad’s in the Westport community all face. Well worth the few minutes it takes to read his weekly missives. While Dave writes from a Dad’s angle his insights, in my opinion, are equally applicable to Mom’s too. Subscribe!
Couldn’t agree more with the comments above. Dave’s Blog does not just focus on timely and relevant topics each week, but he does so in such an effective and easy to digest manner. I always look forward to what Dave has to say because, inevitably, he adds meaning and value to my experience as a dad. Dave is a class act. Go, Dave, go!
I love when I get one of Dave’s emails in my inbox! Dave’s blog often directly relates to whatever is going on in any particular week and his advice and perspective on life and the challenges of being a father are very helpful. Dave is relatable but also a great model of the type of father we all aspire to be each day. The blog is usually a quick easy read but can be very helpful in resetting my attitude and outlook on how my week is going and a quick reminder of where my priorities should be!
The Survival Guide provides practical wisdom for men who want to be better fathers, husbands, and live life well. Dave’s coaching, writing and his family are a welcome example for us all.
I have been a huge fan of David and his Dad blog from the start. They say it is lonely at the top . . . it is also lonely as a dad sometimes and David brings these feelings to the surface in a real and meaningful way.
I look forward to reading it every week and so should you if you are a dad.
Dave’s blog has been a must-read for me especially during these challenging times. His insights have challenged me to be a better dad, husband, manager and friend. I can’t think of many resources that can help dads in all these areas of life all at once.
I’ve been a subscriber to Dad’s Survival Guide blog since the very beginning in March 2020 when the strange new world of COVID came to be. I always have the same thought when reading the posts: “I’m going through the same exact thing!” So I’m not alone. It’s great to know there are other dads, professionals, MEN who are out there who are available to talk beyond the automatic “I’m fine, how have you been” opener. Happy 2022.
Dave’s blog is essential for us, especially so during these challenging times. Authenticity is so important for all of us and Dave’s ability to unmask what we are all thinking but not saying is truly impactful and hopefully to many of us a help and a guide to be a better Dad, Friend, Husband or Colleague. I cant wait for next weeks addition
Thanks Westport Journal for highlighting Dave’s work. It is terrific to see all of the comments. I too am a regular reader of the Dad’s Survival Guide. Dave provides great perspective, a welcome “sanity check” on priorities, and a reminder that as Dads, we all face similar challenges!