By Andy Brophy

WESTON–A Weston man who grew up in Westport in the 1960s and ‘70s found he was the victim of near relentless bullying due to his rebellious behavior, long hair and being a new kid in town.

But Raymond C. Marra, now 70, turned those negative childhood experiences into a positive by writing his first book – a memoir entitled “Finding My Way in Westport,” which Marra hopes will help kids today who are victims of bullying.

Marra said his 270-page book began as a journal for his daughter, Katherine Grace Marra Dove, now 31, and that he typed out his childhood memories on an iPhone out of chronological order.

“I want to kind of leave a legacy for her when I’m gone,” Marra said in an interview this week in Westport Library’s cafe. “My parents had all these stories they told us but never wrote anything down … I thought I’m not going to let this happen to my daughter.”

“It started out basically as a journal for my daughter,” Marra said.

Marra said he was 10 when his parents moved the family to Westport from West Hartford and a year in Fairfield, and while he recognized early on Westport was a “very special” place, his resistance to authority and being told what to do created conflicts with teachers in Kings Highway Elementary School.

In one instance, Marra said he wore his shirt untucked when he exited a school bus at the school and was “manhandled” by a teacher who pulled him aside and forcibly tucked his shirt in.

Rather than being intimidated, Marra said he played pranks at the school, such as turning off hallway lights and loosening lids on salt shakers in the cafeteria, and was suspended five or six times, which Marra said today must have been a record.

In Bedford Junior High, Marra said his long hair, which he’d grown to mimic musicians he admired, and his family’s lack of roots in Westport made him a target of verbal and physical abuse from fellow students, which included being mocked, ridiculed, punched and choked.

Few boys back then had hair down to their shoulders, Marra said, and while he had friends in elementary school, the length of his hair at Bedford Junior High made him an outcast, and his family being relatively new in town didn’t help. “We didn’t have the longevity,” he said.

Marra said the abuse caused him to become an introvert, and he avoided parties and interacting with other students.

Marra had little difficulty recalling childhood memories, saying they “started flowing out of my brain” as soon as he started writing.

“Everything became so crystal clear, and I remembered it so vividly,” he said. “Maybe that’s what writers do – enter an alternate universe and extract information from a corner of their brain … where all this stuff lives.”

Marra added that writing about his childhood experiences was “very cathartic.”

What turned Marra around was the principal at Kings Highway Elementary School telling Marra’s parents that he was going to be kicked out of school and have to attend a boarding school or military school. “I was taking the whole family name down, and my behavior was atrocious,” Marra said. “I behaved after thinking I would go to military school.”

Tina Louise Bellom Marra, his mother, was a great source of comfort and strength for him and is “a central figure” in his book, Marra said. She died in 1984 at the age of 62 from a brain tumor.

“She said, ‘Don’t let anyone tell you who you can be.’ During my toughest time, she said, ‘Ignore those fools. Don’t cut your hair because someone is making fun of you.’ “

“My relief and my outlet was Compo Beach and being with my mother,” Marra said. He said family trips to Cape Cod also were an escape.

Marra’s parents also instilled in him that he can work hard and be successful “without stepping on other people.”

Marra said he also started lifting weights when he attended the University of Bridgeport and gained confidence and a better view of himself. After college, Marra had a 30-year career in enterprise software sales.

But the sting of what he experienced as a child in Westport stayed with him and he said he became guarded as an adult. “My guard is always up,” he said.

Marra said the bullying and subsequent isolation he experienced growing up in Westport might help students who are going through similar experiences today. He said he had a choice in how to respond to bullying – allow it to “swallow me up whole” or turn it into a strength.

“Don’t be a doormat,” Marra said of victims of bullying. “Don’t be a doormat and don’t let people push you around and deter you.”

“That kind of strength doesn’t appear overnight. It has to be cultivated,” he added. “You build it by developing self-confidence, discovering your own sense of purpose, and recognizing your self-worth. The stronger that foundation becomes, the less power a bully has to define who you are.”

“Finding My Way In Westport,” published by IngramSpark, an online self-publishing company, is available in hardcover, softcover and Kindle on websites that sell books, such as Amazon and Barnes & Noble. The book is also available in Westport Library’s local authors section, Marra said.

Marra said he plans to write another book on self improvement and reflection because he wants to share how his experiences after college can help other people.

Andy Brophy

Andy Brophy is an experienced Fairfield County journalist. Andy was a staff writer at The Connecticut Post for 10 years. He also wrote for the Norwalk Hour, Fairfield Minuteman, Fairfield Patch and weekly newspapers in Westport, Fairfield and Norwalk. When not reporting, Andy enjoys playing chess and listening to pianist Art Tatum. ^_.