By Jarret Liotta
WESTPORT — Whether they’re speaking out against CRT, or speaking out against those who speak out against CRT, real down-home Westporters relish their anonymity.
That’s why when I was invited to talk turkey with a local parent last week, I promised to not only leave her name out of it, but worked to disguise some of her more identifiable attributes (including a remarkably large melon-shaped head).
For the purposes of anonymity I’m going to refer to her Auntie Bellum, and while she and her family inhabit a sizable new construction in our fair town, I’m going to pretend they live on a beet farm in the hopes of throwing everyone off the trail.
The following transcript was recorded, but mostly from memory, so I can’t entirely speak to its accuracy, though you should get the general gist.
“So-Called TEAM Westport”
JL: Mrs. Bellum, why did you want to speak to me today?
AB: Someone needs to set the record straight about those radical reds that are trying to poison our children’s brains and minds.
JL: Do you mean school officials?
AB: That’s a polite word for what they are. Everyone knows they’re just puppets, out to do the bidding of that Commie puppet group — the so-called TEAM Westport.
JL: Isn’t that the volunteer committee that tries to raise awareness of multicultural issues in town?
Defending the Colorless & Culture-Neutral
AB: That’s what they want you to believe. But that’s all Communist propaganda. They’re really trying to overthrow a distinct and marginalized part of our population here in town — one I’d rather not directly identify because they already take enough heat … But it’s that one that doesn’t really have an identifiable color … or culture, I guess, if you get my drifting.
JL: I suspect you’re talking about — for lack of a better descriptor —the white folk.
AB: That’s us! (I mean, them) — and they’re being marginalized and erased by this uppity TEAM group, which just wants to see this whole colorless, cultureless population overthrown, like the Contras.
JL: Really? Communists are trying to overthrow white folks right here in Westport? Why would they want to do that?
Sooooo Unfair
AB: Everyone knows white folks have been marginalized for decades, especially in these struggling middle-class communities where our numbers are high. Did you know Westport only received $8.4 million in ARPA funds? I mean, does that sound fair to you? What are we supposed to do with that? We tip more than that in our restaurants!
It’s criminal, really, the mistreatment we’ve endured. And now our whole way of life is in jeopardy, with various non-colorless and ultra-culture types trying to take away what rightfully belongs to us.
JL: Who, exactly, are we talking about here?
AB: Well, for one the so-called “African-Americans.”
Now We’re Getting Somewhere …
JL: What sort of things are they trying to take away?
AB: Pretty much everything. For instance, we gave them February to celebrate their black history, and now they want to be part of the other months too. I mean, give me a break. They don’t have anywhere near as much history as whites. I mean, what are we talking about — Martin Luther King and Rosa Parks. You don’t even need a whole month to cover them.
JL: You make an interesting point. But doesn’t that kind of illustrate why there should be more multicultural focus?
AB: Oh please. When I went to school, we learned the basic R’s and that was that. I didn’t have any of this highfalutin multicultural kaka, or that social & emotional wellness goop instructed on me … And look — I turned out fine!
JL: Who would argue?
AB: I mean, even look at the name “African-American.” They’re clearly trying to usurp our American identity by calling themselves that, thereby erasing the rest of us regular Americans.
“Come to the Caberet, Old Chum!”
JL: When you say “regular Americans,” do you mean … well, people of non-color?
AB: See, that’s the thing! I don’t like to pigeonhole anyone by labeling them. We should all just be looked upon as American citizens — good upstanding God-fearing Christian men OR women, one and all.
Don’t get me wrong. I love black people — the stuff they do in sports … And there’s that guy who invented the peanut. But I think it’s important we don’t let them get too out of hand, trying to make such a big deal about how mistreated they’ve been and how unfair the system is … Hey, we’ve all got problems.
JL: Yes, that’s true … In fact, I was talking a Jewish friend the other day and—
AB: Oh, don’t get me started on the Jews!
JL: No, well, unfortunately we’re about out of time, Fraulein Bellum. But I sincerely appreciate your candor and ebb.
AB: Danke!
Racism … in Westport? Awwww, come on!!
JL: One last question — Do you think racism exists in Westport?
AB: Of course not! That’s ridiculous. All these tall tales about microaggressions and Asian hate and anti-Semitism — that’s just some whiny Jews and blacks trying to stir things up, egged on by Commie groups like TEAM Westport.
They need to just get over it! If there’s any racism going on, it’s clearly being aimed at the marginalized white folk, like me. I’m the one people should be feeling sorry for.
JL: Yes, Ms. Bellum, and believe me, many of us most certainly do!
.
To be clear, Mr. Liotta, please tell us that this is your impression of a bigoted Westport resident and not an actual bigoted one.
Hilarious. Anyone who can work Kander and Ebb into this piece deserves laughs. Willkommen! And bienvenue! Welcome!
Let’s welcome all in our humble town.
This is clearly over-the-top satirical.
This is distasteful and mean- spirited. Satire or not.
What a nasty piece of creative fiction that brings even more negativity to our community. Btw, did TEAM give you the approval to post this or this is your opinion about parents in Westport, Mr. Liotta? As a journalist, you should be ashamed of this so called interview of yours.
I was offended by this “interview.”
What a trash “interview”. Obviously this was meant as satire but it ended up being a course in terrible journalism. Editorials should push readers to think not cater to the lowest common denominator. While I as sure there are people who alive who live and speak like your “AB” reducing people you disagree with to a caricature or straw man for you to mock is just low. Do better.
When the Westport Journal debuted on my email server (via subscription), I sincerely looked forward to some objective journalism for a change. Sadly, this “interview” is the last straw for me. There is a strong bias to the “news stories” and an unacceptably distasteful “humor” to the editorials. Sadly, my only recourse is to unsubscribe. Didn’t realize how much I would miss Westport NOW!
Which ever side you’re on, this crass interview serves neither. It gives satire a bad name.
“Okay, kids now repeat after me… all white people are privileged, being born white- you are the oppressor.” That is the systemic racism flourishing in Westport. It’s a common technique used by Marxists and people who hate capitalism like AOC. The dehumanization of a race is the first step. I’ve read a lot of books about this kind of thing.
Jarret, your fictional example sounds like it was written for Archie Bunker. You have to update your message man. That was 50 years ago that pre-war white American men talked like that. Nowadays we have the anti-fascists who wear masks and beat up people in the streets whose ideas they don’t approve– do you call out their anonymity? We also have the anti-raciscists who say all white people are….
You need to upgrade your game bro… you might wake up one day and find out you’re wrong on the wrong side.
Here is a tip. If you’re outraged bout n issue… you have been triggered and you’re being manipulated. MSNBC CNN NYT WPO
You can test it out. Next time you’re outraged, which you obviously are a lot, by the nature and tone of your editorials, go back to first principles — Clarice, I mean Jarret, for example, AOC seems cool but she hates capitalism(red flag). BLM thinks looting is reparations(red flag).
lotta red flags my friend
What a wonderful share from this honest journalist. I am so glad he shared this….as, we all need to examine our prejudices – if you are offended and disappointed – please re-examine why….
It is a very important share.
Think about it.
and, then respond with thoughtfulness…
with mindfulness.
and examine your own prejudice.
be accountable
think.
feel what he shared.
think
than think about what you feel.
than think again before you share.
This is about as asinine a piece of journalistic crap that I’ve ever read. Just another example of looking at everything thru the eyes of racism and skin color. Way to further perpetuate the divisiveness which exists in our culture. Totally obnoxious and offensive.
Ditto to Bob Anderson. Couldn’t have worded it better. Offensive and sick.
Bravo Jarrett. As I’m sure you expected, some people can’t stand to look in the mirror. Do not be dissuaded. At the very least, you stand proudly behind your principles. Keep on.